Saturday, December 31, 2011

Happy New Years Eve!

Hey guys! So today's the last day of 2011 and that means.....
I think all of you will be either at the Countdown party at Sentosa or anywhere else with your friends and loved ones. But have fun, all of you. Sure you don't want to waste your last day of 2011 at home. :) Well some things happened and I got real fucking sad and paranoid, again... I don't know why but bad things just keep repeating on my mind and I can't get it OUT OF MY HEAD.... So... I'm gonna rant over here... But first of all, gonna talk about what I'm going to do today....

Meh~ I am sure that I'm happy when taking this picture.
So today's plan have been ruined over some stupid things and I don't wanna talk about it. Worsen my mood and I really want to meet my boy and spend my day with him today... Zzz! So I think I'll be spending my time with the girls? Or maybe not? I just don't want to stay at home that's all. Because I'll be staying at home from tomorrow till school re-opens. Talking about school, got promoted to 3N1, not very happy though. Got in same class with the Sec3(2011) retainers. So not in the mood to even go to school or study please. I just want to die right now!!!!!!!!!!! Someone kill me please

You were given this life because you’re strong enough to live it. Remember that.

What else worsen my mood? Hmmm yup, music/songs. Damn, keep on repeating Avril Lavigne - When You're Gone.....
Maybe I'm just being too paranoid and just jealous. I have to admit, I'm afraid of losing you. Although you promised me a whole lot of things, but promises are meant to be broken. Maybe I'm the one who always set my hopes high and cry like a baby. But after all, I love you and I really can't lose you, you're just like the other half of my life; supporting me.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm wasting all my time waiting for my life to really start. I'd rather trip and fall than never try. I don't want to waste another day while the world goes by, like seriously. I don't want to live in the dreadful past. But I just wanna be a happy girl everyday. :'( Is that so hard!? Never mind... Life still goes on no matter how you're doing on yourself.

Sometimes, my heart needs a long restart to realize how it feels to be off my sleeve and back in my own chest. Because I can't seem to really feel a thing right now.... Even if anyone pinch my hand, I can't feel a thing too.  When I feel like giving up, I always just remember why I held on so long in the first place. And try  to hang on there still. 

Even when I don't think I did anything wrong, I'm always the first to apologize, for nothing. I worry that someday I'll end up allowing people to walk all over me like they are not at fault. I'm strong but I will still break. I'm stubborn, yeah, and I make plenty of mistakes! But who doesn't make mistakes? In the end, I'll still have to apologize for other's wrong doings. Sigh, when will this torture end!?

Which is worse? New wounds, which are so horribly painful, or old wounds that should've healed years ago, but never did? It's like each time I got hurt, I became even stronger, than what I thought. Maybe at first I'm like some weaklings.... But why? Why am I always the one getting hurt? Maybe... Our old wounds teach us something. They remind us where we've been, and what we've overcome. They teach us lessons about what to avoid in the suture. That's what we like to think, but it's not always the way it is. Some things, we just have to learn over and over and over again, so that we can really understand why life is like this.

This is my shag face, say hi!

 I've been also thinking... Why don't relationship lasts? Why do people love to judge when their own self are not perfect too? Why does this society need to be so cruel? Why do we need to study? Why do we need to get hurt all over again and again? Why do we always have to suffer the pain then learn the lesson? Why why why? Just tired of this society. Why can't everyone be friendly to each other? Why will we get jealous? Why will there be quarrels/fights....?

I miss how you act like you never gave a shit, but you always care about me. I miss the way you would be such a dick, but you were somehow always there. I miss how we talked, for hours on end, but most of all, more than anything, I miss being with you, I miss everything about us, I miss your hugs and everything. I miss everything about you that I can't lose you. You're the best, the only one who will always be there for me...

So I'll stop all the rants and hmmm either meet Liyi or slack around my house area. Ok byebye, will update tomorrow or by next week :)