Saturday, July 30, 2011

I think you've a calculation problem bitch, relationships are obviously only meant for TWO.


Just here to update a lil'. Though i have no pictures, but all this below will do!

a post dedicated to my baby♥

Sometimes i wonder, if the meaning of words related to real life circumstances.
maybe if i wasn't that naive all the time, i wouldn't be that miserable right now.
till now, i've just realised that i was the biggest fool in my own life,

The biggest liar who has been lying to herself and others countless of times.

the one who always thought she knew how to stand right up, after countless times of downfalls.

the one that thought she could protect her loved ones till time ends, but failed miserably.

the one who never grumbles about how much she forked out, when she has nothing in return.

the one who always thought that she's the perfect one for someone, when she isn't.

the one who made someone love, but didn't make him believed her but yet lie to him always.

the one who knows nothing about love, but tends to have "the know it all" attitude.

the one who thought she had the world, when she had nothing.

the one who thought the whole world only revolved around her, when it doesn't even.

the one who wished that childhood times never ended, but it ended.

the one who was at fault all these time, but never stopped to think why.

the one who come's up with the most stupid ideas to gain attention.

the one who always lied to herself about love, sisterhood, brotherhood and even... reality.

the one who thought that she was the one who was always right and was never wrong.

the one who always thought that she was strong, when she was no where close to strong.

its this kind of attitude in me that got me, till now.
right now, you're a failure vanessa. and no one is to be blamed except you.
right here, right now, i just felt that life has taken its toll on me.
i'm nowhere near death, but i can feel that it's taking it's leave, a step at a time... really slowly, this kind of pain, really kills. i feel like ending my life.

Fuck life, fuck school, fuck the future, fuck lies, fuck this, fuck him, fuck fuck her, fuck you, fuck e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g!
My life's currently suck, argueing with baby most of the time. Trying not to give in all the time, and being stupid... Angry over little things, i really can't take it anymore. I hate myself for crying so easily... Re-reading every of your messages.Who is to say what love is or isn't? Who is to tell what they cannot see? They live blinded, filled with ignorance and unaware what takes place here. They have chosen to disregard what we know is to be real and true. Though they act with discrepancy, You know, I will always love you.

You can never forget the people who changed your life. You'll become a different person and everything you do is slightly altered by what they've taught you. Isn't it amazing how one special person can change you into another different person? After being together with him, i'm learning more, and have been really a good girl by studying real hard. My studies have improved and it's not like i fail all. I managed to pass my math. I've became a real responsible girl, a more sensible girl, but at times i just turn into another person because i got jealous... who will not get jealous when girls always talks to their own boyfriend?

I always tell myself not to give up, because when i do, i know i will lose you... Why do i even want to control you? because i care about you, i really care. I'm scared that one day you will leave me. Although you already promise me that you won't leave me, but i'm still scared... not that i don't trust you, but is that i want to make sure you really won't leave me by doing all this things for you. I know i'm being unfair, but i will do anything to keep you by my side. I don't care what it takes.

I know, this months being together with me was tough. Ups and downs, humans have been stopping us together, you should know who's the "HUMANS" are. Quarrels, fights, and a lot of other stuffs had happened. We went through a lot together, and bond together well enough like as if no one can break us up already. I'm sure that people think that we're sweet & perfect couples, but they don't know what we've been through and what's our pain.

I really want this relationship to last, not for long, but forever.

Seeing you, brightens up my day. Watching you smile/laugh at a corner, makes me super happy like i'm on cloud nine. I really need you, you are always there by my side when i needed you, but i wasn't there when you needed me, such a failure huh? I know i've not been showing you that much "caring"... and i don't really show my love towards you...

Remember all those times, when we're having fun, at all places...

The pictures in my camera, are all memories to be kept. and i really want to keep it till we are old, and we both will be still holding out hands together, sitting on the sofa, having drinks and looking all over our albums.

Let me close my eyes, wrap your arms around me tight.
Whisper sweet words in my ear,hold me through the night.
Make sure to keep me warm, your body close to mine.
Singing your soft lullaby, our love will never die.
The bond we've grown together, many couples simply lust... Also, and most importantly,we have each others trust....

I love you with all my heart, reply me through message if you ever came across this post okie♥